Rocko's Getting his Tazer Action On

G|M as an artist is bound to become the host for a whole lot of beings. Rocko, G|M's cousin, has recently shown his beer belly college stupidity. Note that this Hub has not been approved by the FDA, and probably violates known safety sheets put out by the ATF.

Hugh

Im Rocko the Coledge Graduit. G|M has asked me to woo Kellsheeyyyy cuz they think they deserve more hits. I dont hit chix ladies, I just gif dem beer. So sorry if G|M is a luser.

Re:cently I was sent diz e-mail:

> > STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!)
> >
> > Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
> >
> > A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser
> > for
> > their anniversary submitted this:
> >
> > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
> > Pawn
> > Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our
> > 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little
> > something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across
> > was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse sized taser. The
> > effects of the taser were supposed to be short
> > lived,
> > with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
> > allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY
> > TOO COOL!
> >
> > Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
> > home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn
> > thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
> > disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed
> > the
> > button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the
> > same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity
> > darting
> > back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
> > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what
> > that
> > burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
> >
> > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
> > thinking
> > to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only
> > two triple-A batteries, right?!! There I sat in my
> > recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
> > (trusting
> > little soul) while I was reading the directions and
> > thinking that I really needed to try this thing out
> > on
> > a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I
> > thought
> > about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
> > and
> > thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But,
> > if
> > I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect
> > herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance
> > that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
> >
> > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
> > with my reading glasses perched delicately on the
> > bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser
> > in another. The directions said that a one-second
> > burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a
> > two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
> > and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
> > burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on
> > the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst
> > longer
> > than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
> > All
> > the while I'm looking at this little device
> > measuring
> > about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference;
> > pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy
> > triple-a batteries thinking to myself, "no possible
> > way!"
> >
> > What happened next is almost beyond description, but
> > I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie
> > looking on with her head cocked to one side as to
> > say,
> > "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second
> > burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't
> > hurt
> > all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second
> > burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs
> > to
> > my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER
> > OF
> > GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
> >
> > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the
> > side
> > door, picked me up in the recliner, then body
> > slammed
> > us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
> > I
> > vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
> > position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,
> > both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found,
> > with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> > position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was
> > standing over me making meowing sounds I had never
> > heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking
> > to
> > herself, "do it again, do it again!"
> >
> > Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself
> > with a taser, one note of caution: There is no such
> > thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
> > You
> > will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
> > from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the
> > floor. A three-second burst would be considered
> > conservative. SON-OF-A- ... that hurt like hell!!!
> >
> > A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a
> > relative thing at that point), collected my wits
> > (what
> > little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
> > landscape.
> > My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
> > fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps,
> > right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
> > My
> > face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
> > and
> > my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for
> > my
> > testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for
> > their
> > safe return.
> >
> > Still in shock,
> >
> > Earl

Nowe ever1 shuld lern 1 tang: dun trye 2 gif ur chix sumtang 2 protek demselves wit. Just half dem txt u 4 halp und u kan be there knighte in sinning armorous.