Con, Chapters Tim 3 and 4

Chapter 'Tim 3'

Tim approached the front door with caution, he noted that the TAPS van was no longer in the drive way. “Yeah, I would run away too, if this wasn't my job.” The front door stopped slamming when his foot hit the door step. It opened wide for him to enter. “Hello? Anyone here?”

“In the kitchen,” he heard a baritone voice say. He approached the kitchen with caution and found a fat wide bodied ghostly shape shoveling anything into his mouth, a much smaller but green and slimy creature was next to him doing much the same. “Quit hogging all the food, Slimer!”

“Can it, Fatso,” Tim said. He walked towards the cellar door, which appeared to be the only door that hadn't been treated badly. He opened it. “Hey, anyone down there?”

“Just us Grues,” the dark replied back.

Tim sighed. “You wouldn't have seen a pretty brunette woman around 5'6” around, would you?”

The dark replied again. “No, she sounds tastie though!”

“You should try vegan,” Tim quipped.

“Nah, they taste like carrots.”

Tim slammed the cellar door shut. “Not what I meant.” He looked over towards the two ghostly munchie hungry plasmids. “You've not seen anyone, have you?”

Slimer and Fatso both pointed towards outside the kitchen, not bothering to try and utter a single syllable. Tim sighed, made his way back out towards the central stairwell and heard a female's scream. “Janine?!” Quickly he climbed the steps and called for her name again. “Janine, if you're still alive, please scream! If you're not, go towards the light!” He opened up the first door, it was to a master bedroom. A woman, not Janine, laid in bed.

“I am the Gate Keeper, are you the Key Master,” the woman asks, bringing herself up to a more sitting position.

“Nope, but if I see Rick, I'll point him in the right direction.” Tim closed the door, tried the next. It was a bathroom. The bathtub currently was filled with pink slime, and it moved to try and inch it's way towards Tim, he closed the door again. “Talk about milking sequels.”

Another scream, and this time Tim realized what door it emanated from. He launched into a jaunt and slammed through the third door. There stood Janine, scared half to death, as she pointed at a cage. Tim looked over to the cage and saw that it housed a rat who was currently trying to get anyone to notice it and give it some attention. “Wait...all this shit going on here, and you're afraid of a rat?”

Janine visibly shuttered. “Yes, I know, but they're just creepy!”

Tim shook his head. “You know what, I'm not going to ask. I really think you need to come with me and get out of here, however.” Tim yanked on Janine's arm and ran frantically down the hall, the stairs, and out the front door.

A nerdy looking fellow shambled up to Tim as he rushed Janine to his car. “I am the Key Master, are you the Gate Keeper?” Janine looked over at Tim quizzically at this new fellow, and Tim shooed her off.

“Get to my car, it's unlocked. I'll take care of this.” Tim reached into his back pocket and pulled out a package that could only be two things, and a wet nap wasn't one of them. He handed it to Mr. Key Master and put his hand on his shoulder. “Front door, upstairs, first door on the left.” Tim jogged off to his car, leaving a bewildered Key Master, shambling towards the door step.

“Who was that,” Janine asked.

Tim started up the car and headed back to Buffalo Stop. He shrugged. “I'm not allowed to say, my reality has violated enough copy rights as of late.”

* * *

Buffalo Stop, again. This time, the GPS worked like a charm. Although it did make him turn around twice, he'd have to suggest to Lou that they should upgrade their mapping system later. Upon entering, he spots a group of kids with a dog on one side of the restaurant and another random group of older guys to the other. He had recognized both of them, and knew that either of them were good at hunting ghosts. Perhaps in this case, he would need backup. He almost wished Mitchell was around, but then again he'd be protesting to the last three shots of bourbon, not to mention the first five.

Approaching the group of older guys, Tim stuck out his hand as Janine staid back in a lurking position. She didn't quite know what to make of this whole situation. She was angry at Shaun and John for leaving her in quite the haunted house. She had no idea where it all came from, it begun oh so suddenly.

But Tim had heard a ghostly voice before she had picked it up herself. She tried to bring up that point again, but he had dismissed it. For some reason as much as he believed in the after life and ghosts he wanted nothing to do with them.

“Hey, you guys are those Ghost Chasers, right?” Tim shook hands around the table with four guys.

The one with glasses spoke up. “We used to be, but after 9/11 it's pretty tough to walk around wearing a nuclear fusion device on your back.”

“Oh, so what are you doing now?”

Another guy shrugged. “You're looking at it. Dr. Venkmen has a new record out, he's changed his name and started rapping.”

Tim peered over to a sixty year old man wearing gold chains and big clothes. “Yo, the name's Dr. Banqman now. I only like two things; making a buck and having a fu--”

Tim held up his hand. “Okay, alright, I think the readers at home can elaborate. Well, if you're not in the business anymore, I'll just leave you alone.”

Tim tugged on Janine's arm again and sauntered off to a booth by themselves.

Janine sat down. “So, what are we going to do now? We just made it worse for the family.”

Tim shrugged and rubbed his temples. “I don't know. I think you need to call your team and have them pick you up. I'll deal with it somehow.”

Janine nodded and rifled through her purse, picking out a cell phone. “Wait! If you've never done this before, how do you think you're going to cure this situation?”

Tim smiled. “Well, first I identify who is causing the haunting, then I piss it off enough to go away.”

Janine shook her head. “And how do you propose to do that? It's not like you can wave a magic wand and banish it.”

Tim shot a glare Janine's way. “I am not a wizard, I'm a scanner.”

Janine's eyes grew wide. “You can make peoples heads explode?”

Tim produced his cell phone and took a picture, than began to laugh. “Oh. My. God. you should have seen your face. That's the best reaction to that joke yet.”

Janine sighed and began to dial up one of her two lackeys. “You're a big jerk, you know that?”

Tim shrugged, ordered a beer.

“Look, we made it worse for that family. We have to go back there and try to settle it.” Janine peered over towards Tim with a scowl across her face, but he knew it wasn't for him. “Okay, okay. Just plug Buffalo Stop in and meet us here. Alright. See you then.” Janine sighed. “This is turning into a nightmare.”

Tim took a swig on his beer. “You know, I could use a jay right about now.”

Janine furrowed her brow. “You have marijuana on you?”

Tim smiled again. “That's for me to know and you to find some visine for.”

Janine sat back. “You're not a very good person, are you?”

Tim took another swig, then looked off in thought. “Well, to be honest, it's not that I'm a bad person. I just hate ghosts. I hate demons. I hate spirits. And I just wish they'd leave me alone.”

Janine's expression had begun to change with each word. At first, it was disbelief. And then, it was shock. “You're not kidding, are you?”

Tim shook his head. “Nope. I see'em, hear'em, feel'em, and fight'em. The real deal, none of that science b.s.”

Janine laughed. “Yeah, well, no one will believe you anyway.”

Tim nodded. “See, I told you. But no, you wanted to keep bringing up that recording.”

Janine slid out of her side and next to Tim with a little protest. She looked into his eyes and smiled, then took his hand. “You know, you're special.”

“Is the party in here?!” Shaun had just opened the door, announcing to the small crowd he was finally here and all would be well. Janine sighed and covered her face as Tim motioned towards him and John.

“Hey Janine,” John said sitting down opposite her.

Shaun found a seat and sat backwards. “Looks like someone has a crush on mister alcoholic.”

Tim took a last swig of his beer. “I object, I've never attended AA without a court order.”

Janine sat up and became rigid. “Enough. Listen, we really have to get back to that house and somehow rid it of the ghosts.”

Shaun shook his head. “Forget it. We record this stuff, that's great. I'm not gonna get killed by it.”

John was lost in thought. “Maybe some garlic and silver bullets?”

Shaun hit John upside the head. “Hey, that only works on zombies.”

Tim laughed. “You know Janine, I like these guys. I don't even have to say anything to insult their intelligence of the paranormal. Great group.”

Shaun looked over. “I don't believe this stuff, it's all mirrors and projectors.”

Tim smiled. “Great! Then you can come back with us and distract them while I figure out who is behind it.”

Shaun looked down at his wrist. “Well uhh—it's half passed a freckle already.”

Tim frowned. “You can't say that! I said that chapters ago.”

Shaun nodded. “Okay, well uhh...I have to get home and refill my cat.”

Tim shrugged. “Alright, I understand.”

Janine elbowed Tim in the side. “You're not going to accept that answer, are you?”

Tim smiled and shrugged. “What? The man has to refill his cat, who doesn't do that?” Then he looked over towards Shaun. “Of course I don't believe him, I've only refilled my hamster.”

Janine did a face plant onto the table. “I hate my life.”

“Hey,” Tim said. “That reminds me—any trouble finding this place?”

John shook his head. “Just plugged it in and we were there.”

Tim scratched his head, noting that shorty had mysteriously re-appeared at the bar. “Huh, it took us for a couple of weird turns.”

Chapter 'Tim 4'

“So, you don't know anything about this ghost?” Tim drove towards the house for a third time, Janine next to him. The guys were following in tow, but had not promised to enter the house. Only to call the ambulance when needed.

Janine thought. “Well, the little girl has insisted it was a former owner who is haunting the place. She says he doesn't know he's dead.”

Tim chortled. “Bull shit he doesn't know. How exactly does she know that he doesn't know?”

Janine watched as they neared the house again. “She found a journal in the attic dating back to the late 1800s. The man swore he would never leave his house, come hell or high water. Even if he died and didn't know he was dead, he'd still be there.”

“Huh..” Tim began to park. “Well, thats a bit odd.”

Janine laughed. “We thought that too, we thought for sure we'd find a better link in the ancient Indian burial ground they have in the back yard.”

“Riiiight,” Tim said. “So who is this guy, anyway?”

“His name was one Herman Schaffer, died at the turn of the century. Buried just a few miles away from here.”

Tim turned his car back on. “Really? I've got a plan! Punch in the address to my GPS, make sure the guys follow.”

“Okay,” Janine said, pressing as the GPS glued to the center of the console. It began to speak.

“I'm sorry Janine, but your beacon Cherub is currently sloshed and unable to fly well enough. He is unable to guide you. Blame him for being such an irresponsible Divinity Inc. employee.”

Janine looked up to Tim bewildered, but she was getting used to this. “How did it know my name?”

Tim shrugged. “Beats me. It's super high tech.”

His glove box began to ring, Janine opened it and pulled out the Dynatac. “How old is this? You have such a newer phone in your jeans!”

Tim sighed. “It has the best reception, I'm telling you. Make a call, hang up. So much easier.”

“Well, I don't know who is calling.”

Tim grabbed the phone. “Of course you don't, we just met.” Tim looked at the number, confused by it too. “Hello?”

“Tell that bittch Sheila I am not toooooo druuunk to drive you. I'll just guide you by phone. Oh my god! BIRD!” The call dropped.

Tim hung up, then glanced down as the GPS began to retort. “I am not a bitch!”

With anger, he grabbed the GPS unit and threw it out the window. “Call your lackeys and have them find it.”

* * *

Currently Tim was smoking a Winston and inspecting the chain, tied to the rather large slab of marble that was Herman Schaffer's grave stone. He looked over to Shaun with a thumbs up, and John began to try to rip it out with the van.

Janine stood away from any path that may involve being hit by the grave stone if they managed to pull it free. “Tim, what's this going to accomplish? “

Tim took a drag on his cigarette and stepped back as the stone won the first round of tire squeals. “Well, I'm going to show the dead guy some pretty solid proof of his deadness.”

Janine sighed. “You're not really a ghost hunter, are you?”

Tim moved his finger up to his lips and gestured to the hunk of marble that had now been freed from the earth. “We'll find out.”

“And how are we supposed to get this into the van?” Shaun asked, as Tim approached.

Tim shrugged, and held out his hands in a motion like he was going to pick it up himself. His azure glow sprung forward, giant hands lifting it up into the air and sitting it safely down into the back of the van.

John's draw dropped, he looked from Tim to Janine and back. Shaun didn't seem impressed, and Janine was equally unaffected by Tim's antics by now.

* * *

Back at the house things had quieted down. The van was parked in the garage, where upon Tim used his talent again to move the deceased house terrorizer's tomb stone squarely into the living room. “Okay Herman, SHOW YOURSELF!” Tim had begun to become angry at this whole ordeal. He wanted away from the TAPS crew quickly so he could call it a day.

A squat older man formed from vapor right in front of Tim's eyes. Janine had re-appeared in the doorway, but was stopped from fright. The ghost began to speak. “What do you want? This is no way to barge into a gentleman's home!”

“Herman Shaffer, you're dead.” Tim pointed at the tombstone laying at his feet.

The ghostly Mr. Shaffer fiddled with plasmic spectacles and begun to read the name and date on the tombstone. “Oh, so I see. Well, I knew something wasn't right. My library now is by in large devoid of books and painted pink.”

The jade crossover light show appeared before Mr. Shaffer and he walked right into it. “That's it?” Tim felt let down, but knew instantly the burden from the house had been lifted. “Well, my job here is done.”

Janine ran towards Tim and hugged him. “That was amazing! You should have your own show!”

Tim walked towards the front door. “Oh no, I'm done here. Good bye.”

“Wait!” Janine began to follow, then rounded out in front of him. “At least help us put the tombstone back!”

Tim sighed. “Okay, but then, thats it.”

He awoke next to her hours later, naked in bed. And then, he woke up out of his day dream. “Just throw a table cloth over it...it's a living room conversation piece.”

Janine growled. “This isn't fair! They're gonna sue us!”

Tim shrugged and headed to his car. As he sat down, he planted his face onto his wheel. “I'm going to be here forever, aren't I?” He got out, and made his way back towards the house. John was busy trying to cover up the tomb stone with a table cloth from the dining room. “See, they'll never know.”

Janine shot Tim a dirty look, then folded her arms across her chest.

“Okay, I'll help you put it back. But that's it.”

Janine smiled and walked over to hug Tim again. “Great, then..lets go!”